It's been quite some time since I've posted for Wednesdays with Wodline. Oh how I've missed blogging! Today’s post is personal.
Last week I posted a picture of me and my son for Throwback Thursday on Instagram. It was from one of my favorite photo sessions from 2014 with my talented dear friend Marjorie. When I look at the photos from the session, it reminded me of the mask I wore during that season of my life. I was going through so many things in my personal life, but I wore I mask to hide the pain I was feeling. The session represented a new season my son and I were about to enter. I called that photo session “MOVING FORWARD”. For the photo session I decided to get a manicure and pedicure. I also hired a professional makeup artist. I felt so beautiful that day. It was something I didn’t feel about myself in a very long time. The last time I had a professional do my makeup was 9 years ago, on my wedding day.
Our session was on a Saturday morning and Marjorie posted a few photos on Facebook later that day. The photo pictured below received a great response. If you haven't noticed, it's the photo used on this website ;). Little did everyone know, the woman smiling in the photo was about to be divorced in less than 21 days. I was broken on the inside, but I didn’t allow anyone to see that.
From the time of my separation until sometime after my divorce I wore the mask of…
“He’s good.” (referring to my then husband)
“It’s all good.”
And the list goes on.
I hid behind these masks because I didn’t want people to see the woman hurting inside.
What I was feeling was…
“I’m not okay.”
“I’m not good.”
“I don’t care how he’s doing.”
“I need this pain to go away NOW!”
“How did I let this happen to me?”
“I’m tired of crying.”
I didn’t want anyone to get too close to me. MY GUARD WAS UP! (This continues to be a struggle for me, but I'm still a work in progress.)
I didn’t want people to see the woman who cried herself to sleep at night. I didn’t want people to see the woman who wanted to give up on life. Those who were close to me were always able to see RIGHT THROUGH THE MASK. This gave me the courage to be vulnerable with them. They allowed me to remove my mask and let me know that it was okay to cry, scream, and cuss. Don’t judge me! God forgave me! =)
I’ve learned not to be so quick to judge someone by their attitude or behavior towards me. I’ve learned to be more intentional about genuinely asking people how they were doing. Many of the people we encounter daily are fighting a battle we know nothing about.
Hiding behind a mask will only get in the way of you becoming emotionally healthy. It takes a lot of courage to allow people to see your truth, but it will be worth it when it’s with the RIGHT people.
Find the courage to remove your mask and talk to someone you can trust, but be careful. I’ve had people with no license try to diagnose me. May I see your license please? LOL! Thankfully God placed people in my life that encouraged me to seek counseling. It was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life.
Now when I look at the photo I see the woman God was molding me to become…even more STRONGER AND COURAGEOUS.
It is my hope that you were encouraged as I welcomed you into my world.
I wish you a blessed Wednesday and a wonderful week!