“She finally knew her worth, decided to walk away and never looked back.”
That statement was referencing a time in my life where I FINALLY woke up and knew my worth. It took me nearly 30 years to realize how much I was worth. I recognized that I could no longer afford to give my all to someone who only wanted me when it was convenient for them. I was worth more than that.
During the time of my separation from my then husband he made a statement that not only hurt me, but WOKE ME UP. He basically wanted the best of both worlds (i.e. being a bachelor and having a wife). It was my fault because I allowed it. LESSON LEARNED. At the time we were both living in separate apartments. I thought we were working towards reconciling as husband and wife, but man I was SO WRONG. We were not on the same page. I had faith there was a chance for us to start FRESH! I got so caught up with the lies he was telling me and by the nice things he would do for me that I didn’t recognize I was getting played. I found myself in the middle of a love triangle. It was one of the most painful and humiliating experiences I have gone through. I FINALLY realized I deserved more than that. I WAS WORTH MORE THAN THAT.
I filed for divorce six months later. Walking away was one of the toughest life decisions I had to make, but it was for the best. From that time on God showed me the things He was protecting me and my son from. I’m not saying getting a divorce is always the answer because I hate divorce. God hates divorce. I’ve seen marriages become stronger after overcoming situations similar to mine. It took BOTH spouses to fight for their marriage to work. In my case, I was the only one fighting. This experience taught me that you can’t make someone choose you. You can’t make someone fight for you. You can’t make someone want you. He knew what he wanted and it wasn’t our marriage.
Looking back, the red flags were all there, but I chose to overlook them. I chose to believe the lies that he told. I chose to a have part-time husband instead of a man who was fully committed to making our marriage work. My fear of moving forward without him caused me to settle for an unhealthy relationship. Holding on to someone who had clearly moved on did more damage than good.
About a year ago, my ex-husband and I finally had a mature conversation and apologized to one another for the things that occurred during our marriage as well as after we were divorced. Days leading to our in person meeting, I cried almost every day. I’m an emotional person and the thought of me having to ask the person who broke my heart to forgive me took a lot of courage. Replaying the painful memories in my mind was a lot for me. I never thought I would hear some of the words that came out of his mouth that day. It was a humbling experience. I’m thankful that we are both at a place where we are cordial so we can co-parent our son as best as we possibly can.
People have asked me do I regret getting married to my ex-husband. There have been days I wanted to say yes, but because I get to see the face of our handsome son everyday I have no regrets.
It took a painful experience for me to recognize my worth, but it has molded me into a stronger, wiser and better woman.
Until next time, may you always know your worth and never settle for less than God’s best for you.